Hey.

Sorry for neglecting you. Over the past year, I have taken the old school route of keeping record of relevant events by writing them down on my Starbucks planner. Then, today, I remembered, I still have you and it may be appropriate to update. I know that when we were just starting out, I would update you either on the day of my birthday or after. My birthday is coming up and I am feeling some birthday blues.

Earlier this week, friends from High School were asking me when we would celebrate my birthday. One of them said she already purchased a present for me and she can’t wait for me to get it. Last night, friends from work were asking if we would be celebrating my birthday next Friday. I also got a message from another friend earlier today asking what I would be doing for my birthday. To my High School friends, I said, I will get back to them on the schedule because they won’t be able to make it on a weekend. As for the work friends, I said we should all meet up again next Friday. And to the last friend, I opened up and told him I am not sure if there is really a reason to celebrate. This is rare for me as I am always excited for my birthday.

I told my friend, career-wise, my boss does not like me.

I am also not successful in the love department. Found out last night this guy I have been pining for but I also want to move on from because we are friends, is sort of seeing someone. Sort of because he gave vague answers when he was asked. He has always been vague. He also doesn’t seem to know what he wants. Why I have been attracted to someone like him and why he consumes me, I really don’t know. My feelings are not as intense as before. I have been distracted by other guys recently. But to say that what I learned last night has no whatsoever impact on me would be a lie.

And last but not the least, the organization I am heading had a general assembly and not a lot of people showed up. On the bright side, there weren’t a lot of complaints from members. But on the other side of the coin, I can’t help but think it means a lack of support.

My friend said he understands how I feel. He said it is difficult to celebrate when things suck. But he also said if I give my all, then I don’t have to regret anything. Everything else is beyond my control. He said it would suck for a while but in the end, everything will be fine. Nothing groundbreaking there. It’s something I already know. But something hard for me to believe given recent events. Partly, I blame the Mars retrograde.

I don’t know if you believe horoscopes but according to this site I check at the start of the month astrologyzone.com, Mars went retrograde on June 26, and would remain there until August 27. It said a retrograde Mars is a weak Mars. This planet works to give one confidence, courage and drive and without a strong Mars, we feel more fragile and less secure. We can cover up our feelings, but still, we will wonder how we got in this situation in the first place. Perfectly accurate! This is how I feel right now. But I want to fight it. I want to be positive and strong. That's who I am. I just have to convince myself I’ll get through this.

I can't wait for you, August 28!

Posted by Louie on August 4, 2018 at 04:06 PM | Add a Comment
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