Exactly a week ago, I met a friend of yours who can read tarot cards. The findings are quite interesting because we know two of the guys who are likely going to play a part in my future. And at a time like this, I would get all excited to tell you every detail of the story.

Based on the reading, I would be better off leaving Asian dude. I am also going to meet an older guy or a mature guy who is emotionally and financially stable, soon. Older guy is likely a foreigner, and he would make an impact in my life. While he would play some important role in my life, I am going to end up with someone else. Mr. Outcome is supposedly a young guy, one who is focused on his career and someone I already know.

The reading was confusing for me at first. You see, Asian dude also fits Mr. Outcome’s description.

I decided to ask for a follow-up reading when I met your friend again last Saturday.

The findings? Asian dude and Mr. Outcome are two different people.

Asian dude is going to try to come back to my life. The good news is, I am going to likely refuse him because I will remember all the pieces of advice you gave me and your thoughts about him as my potential partner.

Mr. Outcome is someone we both know. He is actually someone close to you. And while I already know him, it looks like I will need to exert some effort and get the help of some friends for him to realize I am his Ms. Outcome.

And then, there’s another guy. Another option. It’s not clear whether I’ve met him or not. But I am likely going to choose Mr. Outcome.

It’s been more than a week since the day I told our common friends who could not make it to the hospital that you’re gone.

I wish you were still around and I could still tell you about the reading and my thoughts about it. How I found it funny initially, but scary now. I am scared of Asian dude making a comeback in my life. But I am more terrified of the thought of Mr. Outcome.

Apart from sharing with you my thoughts, I am also interested in what you have to say about the reading, and to all the other events that will take place in my life. In the future.

We’ve talked about Asian dude, Mr. Outcome and the future several times before. And while I can’t talk to you and see you for now to hear what you have to say on things that are about to come my way, I guess what I can do is bear in mind  what you told me earlier this year. You said: “I do believe there are many wonderful possibilities in your future and the man who gets to be part of it will himself (be) fortunate.”

I believe you, Riza-san.

Mata ne.

Posted by Louie on October 4, 2016 at 06:09 PM | Add a Comment

So, I was back in one of my favorite destinations which also happens to be Asian dude's hometown, last last weekend. It was for work, so it was a short trip. Three days to be exact. Asian dude was going to be there a week after that according to his Facebook post earlier this month. And on Line, a few hours after I arrived in his hometown. 

I do not want to assume anything but after seeing his Line update, which was made a few hours after my post that I was in his hometown, my mind just can't accept it is mere coincidence. 

I have returned to my home country. And I know he has arrived in his hometown. He just met his nephew and niece. I know all of these thanks to his Line. He never removed me from his friends' list so I take it he wants me to continue seeing his updates. 

Or maybe not. 

I could be wrong.

There is no way I can read what's on his mind.

There are some things that are clear to me though. While I think I am in a better state (i.e. not crying in coffee shops or any place anymore when talking about him) now than I was five months ago, I still care about him. And miss him.

But I also know I've already told him everything I want to say. Months ago. The ball is in his court.

Posted by Louie on June 27, 2016 at 07:32 PM | Add a Comment

maybe,adv.: You think I'm hedging toward a no, but I could just as easily be seeing a yes embroidered on the future. What may be, may be. - David Levithan's The Lover's Dictionary

Posted by Louie on April 7, 2016 at 04:55 PM | Add a Comment

I realized I never went back to you to give an update on Asian dude. A lot has happened since that post. 

When he came back to the Philippines in April of 2014, I decided to wait for him to reach out to me. A week passed and I didn't hear from him so I decided to make my move. I was scared he might not want to go out with me since I didn't seem interested in him during our first date. I chose to give it a try anyway. I sent him a message and asked if he wanted to meet and catch up. He said yes and we agreed to have dinner at a Korean restaurant in Makati. 

The date went well. He told me about how different the Philippines was from his new country assignment and that he was happier here. He asked me how I was. He also told me (without me asking) that he was open to having a serious relationship with a Filipino, as well as the qualities he would want to have in a girlfriend. The way the discussion went, he would tell me what he likes and ask me if I'm alright with that.

I learned during dinner too that he was only staying here for six months.

Before the end of dinner, he asked if I was using the Line chat app and added me on his friends' list. It took forever for him to add me and I was nervous all the methods he tried would not work and he would lose interest. With the universe on my side, he got to add me before we got the bill. 

He took me home after dinner and I told him to send me a message when he gets to his place. He sent me one via Line and told me had a fun time and would want to go out again. It felt like I won a billion bucks after he said that. And from that day on, we would send messages through Line. 

We went out again a few times after that reunion and he mentioned he might be staying here much longer as the company was making the Philippines its hub for the region. I was excited at the thought of him staying longer but also thinking about what we were. What happens if he has to leave again? What happens to us, if there was an us? At that point, I knew he had activated something in me which I've never felt for anyone before. 

Fast forward to October. He had to leave and go back to his other country assignment. I asked if we can meet one last time. I wanted to let him know how I feel and to propose to have a long distance relationship, if we were on the same page.  While it seems difficult, I figured it could work if we both make an effort.

Making a love confession is an act I never imagined I would entertain. I am not exactly the type to want to show my feelings. I guess I had it bad for Asian dude.

Unfortunately for me, the last meeting I asked for never happened. The guy said he was sick and needed to rest before leaving. After he sent me a message he was bound for the airport,  I decided I couldn't make a confession via Line because it didn't seem right. I wanted to do it in person. What I did instead was to tell him this: "I hope you will be successful in everything that you do and that you will always be happy." When he arrived in Thailand, he said thanks and told me this: "Thank you. I enjoyed the Philippines so much because of you." Once again, I felt like I just won the lottery.

We kept in touch even after he left. We would update each other of what we were doing almost, if not, everyday. He would tell me about his day and I would do the same. He would send pictures and I would send mine. And that went on and on. 

I still did not know what we were and if what we're doing meant anything to him. I really wanted to know if we were on the same page so I decided to book a flight to his motherland for New Year after learning he might be there. 

December came and he informed me of his arrival date in his hometown. I asked if we could meet and gave him my travel dates. He said he has to check his schedule because he was not sure until when he was staying. I told myself I just needed one meeting, to tell him how I feel and to find out if we want want the same thing. If it's a no, then sorry. If it's a yes, then we'll discuss what happens next. 

I sent him a message when I arrived in his hometown. He asked where I was staying and so I gave him the name of the hotel. He asked about my thoughts on his hometown and so, I said it was nice but nicer if we could meet. I asked for us to meet and that was the last conversation we had. I never got a reply. 

I decided I was not going to follow-up on the meeting and will just wait for his move while we're in the same country. Sadly, he never made any effort. Before leaving my hotel, I sent him an email telling him how I feel and what I'm willing to do to make a relationship with him work, if we were on the same page. I take it we're not because he never gave a response.

We're still friends on Facebook and on Line. That's about it.

###

Posted by Louie on February 14, 2016 at 08:37 PM | Add a Comment

Hey Tabulas!

It's been a while. I do remember promising to write about my trip to K-pop land in my last entry and I still haven't done it. Will try to work on that and to visit you more often. For now, I am going to write about something else.

Dressing up is one of the things I look forward to everyday. I have this view that if I look good with what I'm wearing, it will be easier to get through the day. As I like dressing up, people who dress well capture my attention. For guys, a nice outfit is definitely a plus. I guess there is always an exception to the rule because two years ago, I met this Asian dude who managed to make me feel like the world stopped even if he looked like he just got out of bed. Think: flip-flops, trousers that are way too long and a messily buttoned shirt. I guess it's the Oriental look that got to me.

Asian dude and I went out last year after a friend set us up. I wanted Asian dude to ask me out after that night but it never happened. Instead, what I got was a message about a month later saying that he was leaving the country for a new post elsewhere. He was just here on assignment. I gave him chocolates as a parting present and because I learned from watching Asian dramas and anime that giving chocolates is a way of telling a guy you like him. I figured that since he was leaving, it would be alright to do that. I told myself that it didn't matter if he was interested in me or not but I also hoped I could get a second chance to spend more time with him and show him how I really feel.

I know that the reasonable thing to do was to move on. That was what I intended to do, until I learned last month that he went back to his motherland  to renew his visa. He was staying there for about four weeks and when I found out that the friend who set us up was visiting that same country, the first thing I did was to get him a present. I told my friend to give it to Asian dude when they meet up.

When my friend came back,  she showed Asian dude's message for me after receiving the gift. My friend also told me Asian dude was thinking of coming back here. I got really excited but at the same time I was telling myself that it may be something he just said and it might never happen.

My friend told me last week that Asian dude is definitely coming back. He is supposed to arrive during the weekend and he plans to stay for a couple of months.  

I don't know how things turned out to be the way they are. I can't help but think that the universe heard what I hoped for and has decided to give me my second chance. I am happy but at the same time, I am worried and scared. Why is this happening? What should I do next? What if things don't go the way I want them to? 

Posted by Louie on April 21, 2014 at 03:25 AM | Add a Comment
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