Hey.

Sorry for neglecting you. Over the past year, I have taken the old school route of keeping record of relevant events by writing them down on my Starbucks planner. Then, today, I remembered, I still have you and it may be appropriate to update. I know that when we were just starting out, I would update you either on the day of my birthday or after. My birthday is coming up and I am feeling some birthday blues.

Earlier this week, friends from High School were asking me when we would celebrate my birthday. One of them said she already purchased a present for me and she can’t wait for me to get it. Last night, friends from work were asking if we would be celebrating my birthday next Friday. I also got a message from another friend earlier today asking what I would be doing for my birthday. To my High School friends, I said, I will get back to them on the schedule because they won’t be able to make it on a weekend. As for the work friends, I said we should all meet up again next Friday. And to the last friend, I opened up and told him I am not sure if there is really a reason to celebrate. This is rare for me as I am always excited for my birthday.

I told my friend, career-wise, my boss does not like me.

I am also not successful in the love department. Found out last night this guy I have been pining for but I also want to move on from because we are friends, is sort of seeing someone. Sort of because he gave vague answers when he was asked. He has always been vague. He also doesn’t seem to know what he wants. Why I have been attracted to someone like him and why he consumes me, I really don’t know. My feelings are not as intense as before. I have been distracted by other guys recently. But to say that what I learned last night has no whatsoever impact on me would be a lie.

And last but not the least, the organization I am heading had a general assembly and not a lot of people showed up. On the bright side, there weren’t a lot of complaints from members. But on the other side of the coin, I can’t help but think it means a lack of support.

My friend said he understands how I feel. He said it is difficult to celebrate when things suck. But he also said if I give my all, then I don’t have to regret anything. Everything else is beyond my control. He said it would suck for a while but in the end, everything will be fine. Nothing groundbreaking there. It’s something I already know. But something hard for me to believe given recent events. Partly, I blame the Mars retrograde.

I don’t know if you believe horoscopes but according to this site I check at the start of the month astrologyzone.com, Mars went retrograde on June 26, and would remain there until August 27. It said a retrograde Mars is a weak Mars. This planet works to give one confidence, courage and drive and without a strong Mars, we feel more fragile and less secure. We can cover up our feelings, but still, we will wonder how we got in this situation in the first place. Perfectly accurate! This is how I feel right now. But I want to fight it. I want to be positive and strong. That's who I am. I just have to convince myself I’ll get through this.

I can't wait for you, August 28!

Posted by Louie on August 4, 2018 at 04:06 PM | Add a Comment

Have you ever thought of what happens when someone misses a flight? My best friend Mika told me missing her flight is her worst nightmare. I've never really thought about missed flights before until earlier today, when I experienced it.

So, what exactly happened?

My flight to Hong Kong was scheduled to depart ‪at 2:40 p.m.‬ I asked Gayzelle, a friend I am traveling with, what time she would be at the airport and she said before 12. She told me to do web check-in to be sure. I did as advised. I aimed to leave ‪at around 10:30 to 11‬ to give allowance for the traffic.

While I was preparing to leave ‪at around 10:22‬, I got a text message from Sarah, the media relations officer of PLDT, for an event happening ‪at 11:35‬ at SMX. I texted my editor and asked if we could send a reporter. She asked if I can make it. I told her I am on leave and have a flight to catch. She asked me to ask another reporter if he could cover. I He can't because of a hospital appointment. Editor told me to check with another reporter who also couldn't make it because she lives far from the event's venue. Editor told me we won't send anyone since it was short notice anyway.

The whole time I was checking if other reporters could cover the event, I got really stressed and worried about what my editor might think of me.

I left the house ‪at around 11:15‬. I reminded myself during the trip to the airport not to be stressed out anymore. So I was in a good mood until we reached the gas station and I realized I forgot to bring my jacket and scarf. I checked Waze and the time. Based on Waze's estimates, it would only take one hour to get to the airport. There were no signs of traffic build-up anywhere as well. Told my Dad we should go back home to get my stuff because I needed the jacket. Somehow, I also felt like I had to go back.

So, we went back. By the time we got out of the village, the traffic situation had changed and Waze was giving me a different picture. According to the app, I would get to the airport ‪at 2 p.m.‬ I tried to stay positive until we reached Edsa and the traffic has slowed into a crawl.

I arrived at the airport 20 minutes before my flight's scheduled departure. The attendant at the counter told me I could no longer take that flight because of my check-in baggage. I told her I'll just take the next flight. Taking the next flight meant I had to pay P10,000 and wait for about four or five hours. I took the next flight because I couldn't just abandon my friend and I had to see Big Bang. 

I told my Dad what happpened while waiting for the next flight. He told me to move on. I told him I will. I should also learn from it. I will not be late for flights next time.

Posted by Louie on January 22, 2017 at 02:00 AM | Add a Comment

A year ago today, my friend Riza or Zai TO and I had just returned to Manila from our bittersweet trip to Tokyo. Bittersweet because her brother passed away before we made it back and because I learned I was not on the same page as the person I went to Tokyo for. 

It was Riza's last trip to Japan. Who knew it would be her last?

She was always telling me before of how everything is temporary and how I should not be scared of rejection, but of regret. She also told me I should believe I could get what I want to make it a reality.

I still believe in all that. 

Arigato, Riza-san. 

Posted by Louie on January 10, 2017 at 05:20 PM | Add a Comment

Intended to send smileys when I replied to certain people, but ended up sending sad emojis.  Around three to four times. Slip of the phone. I'm not so good at hiding my feelings anymore.

###

Posted by Louie on November 24, 2016 at 12:02 AM | Add a Comment

Riza told me before that liking the nice guy is difficult. If he is nice to everyone, it would be hard to tell if you're special or just like everyone else. 

I've been tiptoeing on the subject everytime I am asked about a guy I've met years ago, but only had the chance to really get to know quite recently because of work. It took time before I acknowledged I like him, as in like like, more than as a friend, and to tell our other friends. 

Last week, I learned he was seeing someone and he wants them to be official or exclusive by January next year. I would be lying to say I wasn't sad. I was crushed. Not that I think he feels the same way about me. But when you like someone, you always hope they would like you back.

Upon learning about his plan, I decided it would be best to just stay friendly but with a little distance. By distance I mean, not trying to use any excuse to talk to or spend time with him. That means if I have questions about work or anything else, I would have to figure out the answer myself or ask someone else. 

Just this weekend, I went on a trip with other friends and was told about the guy's past. He dated a guy who also happens to be a friend. I've always known him to be someone into girls. My feelings for him have not changed, despite the information. I am also telling myself the new information doesn't matter because the guy and I aren't dating. My plan is to stick with the status quo. To remain friendly but with a little distance. Not to act on my feelings and to try to stop thinking about him.

The plan is proving to be difficult to follow, however.

Earlier today, he called to offer to buy tickets to Coldplay's concert because he has access to Citi's pre-selling. I told him last week I was frustrated with Globe's pre-selling because I didn't get any tickets.

I told him not to buy for me anymore since he can only purchase tickets in the three most expensive sections. My High School friends and I are only willing to spend for tickets in the bottom three sections. I said I'll just wait for the general ticket selling for the public. He asked me if I was sure and advised me to go to the mall when I purchase my ticket instead of buying online. Ended the conversation by saying thanks. 

I was touched by the gesture. But I also told myself there is no point to attach any meaning to it. He is just being his usual nice self. He would have done that for others.

I really want to stick to the plan. But I'll be honest to admit the gesture just made me like him more. 

Posted by Louie on November 21, 2016 at 06:32 PM | Add a Comment
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